All I've Got
by Impossible Miracles
Summary: Oneshot - As Ethan lies unconcious in his hospital bed, Cal tries to keep it together. The uncertain fate of his little brother proves too much for Cal to handle.
1. Chapter 1

"You're my safety net Nibbles...you're all I've got."

The words came out as a choked, strangled mess. Cal glanced from Ethan's hand, to his face and back to his hand. He looked so vulnerable lying there in a hospital bed, a frown etched into his face.

Just like when Ethan used to fall off his bike in the park when they were kids, Cal wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and carry him home where their mother would patch him up. Caleb Knight. The perfect little hero. Not anymore. Now Cal was adrift, without guidance...alone.

The monitors by the bed in the intensive care unit beeped sharply and incessantly. He scanned the BP and stats readings, satisfying himself there had been no change in the last 30 seconds. His eyes traced the line on the monitor that showed the beat of his little brother's heart.

Ethan was all he had, all he really cared for in this world. In truth, it was him who needed Ethan not the other way around. A single tear traced its way down Cal's cheek. He rubbed it away angrily.

Cal stood up, clearing his throat. The four grey walls of the room felt as though they were closing in on him. He struggled to shift any air, feeling like he was underwater, like he was drowning.

Cal burst out of the small room in ITU and walked quickly down the corridor. He needed to get out, to get away from this. He tried to take some deep breaths but the feeling didn't go away, he felt trapped. He broke into a run ignoring the disgruntled and shocked expressions from passing nurses and staff. Panic blossomed in his chest and spread like wildfire through his veins. Sprinting into the ED, Cal narrowly missed Max with a wheelchair and rushed into the staffroom slamming the door behind him. Tess shot Rita and Zoe an alarmed expression over the desk.

"I'll go." Rita offered and walked towards the staffroom.

Cal gripped the table top, his breath coming in short, jagged bursts. He was struggling. Connie opened the door sharply and marched across the threshold. Her heels clicked ferociously. He didn't look up.

"Dr Knight may I remind you that sprinting is not advisable in an Emergency Department..."

She stopped short as a tear ran down his cheek. Her mouth opened and closed again. She stood stock still. Rita appeared in the doorway.

"Are...are you alright?" Connie managed to say.

The tears continued to fall. Cal's breathing became erratic.

Rita rolled her eyes and marched past Connie towards Cal.

"Cal darling. You need to slow down."

Rita placed a hand on both his forearms and looked up at him.

"Cal look at me, you need to breathe."

His vision swam and he stumbled, holding onto the counter for support.

Rita moved around to his other side, acutely aware that she'd come off worse if he collapsed. She looked up into his panicked eyes.

"Caleb, look at me."

Her use of his childhood name seemed to rouse him from his torment. Only Ethan really called him that now. She had his attention.

"Breathe with me." Rita matched her breathing to his and slowed it right down, he followed suit. His shoulders slumped, he looked broken, defeated.

"Come and sit down darling."

She led him to the sofa and sat down by his side. He cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry. That was...unprofessional."

The corners of Rita's mouth turned up in amusement.

"To hell with unprofessional Cal. What happened? Is it Ethan?"

Cal avoided eye contact. He let the silence drag on.

"I can't...can't do it Rita." His voice cracked, he felt tears brim again.

"I can't loose him. He's all I've got."

Rita ran and comforting hand across his back.

"Oh Cal sweetheart I know. But he's going to get through this, he wont give up and neither can you."

"We can get through this, together."

Cal closed his eyes, more tears threatening to fall.

"He's the strong one, not me," his voice was almost a whisper. The words hung in the silence like low grey clouds, formidable and profound.

Rita didn't know how to respond. She pulled him into a tight hug.

Connie watched on from the doorway silently. Cal was hunched over, making himself smaller to fit into Rita's arms. He let her hold him like she was holding him together. His usual 'Dr Knight' bravado and confidence had been peeled away to reveal Caleb, vulnerable and in need of support. She held him as he let the tears fall: tears of shock, anger, helplessness and fear. It all came out in one violent wave. Rita glanced at Connie over Cal's shoulder. Connie nodded and left them to it. Closing the door, Zoe walked up to her.

"Is he okay?"

"Yes. Rita's with him. He was having a panic attack, but she calmed him down."

"I don't know how she does it." Zoe mused looking through the glass at Rita holding Cal. "She makes you feel like you can trust her, like you're safe."

Connie folded her arms across her body, following Zoe's line of sight. She watched as Rita gently rubbed the back of his neck, whispering words of comfort in his ear. She felt drawn to her.

"Yes I suppose she does."


	2. Chapter 2

Rita made Cal a cup of tea in the staffroom. Sheer panic had subsided and had been replaced by the dull ache of worry which lingered in the air. Cal hung his head, ashamed he had made such a scene but unable to face the possibility of Ethan not making it. Even considering the thought felt like a black hole consuming him, suffocating him. He shook the thought away as Rita appeared in front of him with a steaming mug of sweet tea. She set down the mug and rubbed his shoulder.

"He will make it Cal. You have to have faith."

Cal looked at Rita, really considering her for the first time. Her deep brown eyes were locked on his, searching for his response. She reached up to tuck her unruly fringe back behind her ear. Her comforting hand never left its spot on his back.

"Yes. You're right. Of course you are."

He took a deep breath. "It's just been so hard, you know, without Mum here anymore. She'd be here in flash if she could, making everything better."

Cal hated huge displays of emotion. He couldn't even watch Titanic without cringing. Despite Ethan's encouragement, he hadn't really come to terms with their mother's death over the past few months. He'd simply filed away the painful memories, buried the emotion so he wouldn't have to consider the skeletons in that particular closet. He ran from how it made him feel, patched over the wound haphazardly. Now it felt like a bomb on a long timer, stable for now but an explosion was inevitable.

Rita frowned, she sighed deeply.

"It's hard losing parents. But we're here for you. We are your family." Rita gestured out of the door towards the ED staff at work around the Nurse's station. Lofty bustled by humming a tune, Robyn could be heard laughing at yet another of Max's poor jokes.

"We've got your back." He looked at Rita, he could see she truly meant what she said.

A small smile formed on Cal's lips, Rita grinned in response.

"There we go, there's that cheeky smile."

She unfolded her legs from underneath her and got up off the sofa.

"Now drink your tea." she instructed. "I'll go and have a word with Connie about you taking your break now. You can work after that."

She placed her hand back on his shoulder, he met her gaze.

"Unless you want to go home? I can cover for you with Connie."

Cal was on his feet abruptly. "No I need to work. Take my mind off things. I'll go back and see Ethan after my shifts over."

Rita smirked up at him and, with her hand still on his shoulder, forced him to sit down again.

"Alright easy tiger. If you're sure. But for now you're staying put, no arguments."

She pointed at the mug. "Tea."

Cal picked up the mug obediently and took an exaggerated sip whilst keeping eye contact with Rita as she walked out of the room.

She headed straight for Connie's office and knocked.

"Come in."

"Oh Rita how is he holding up?"

Rita sighed and tucked her fringe behind her ear. "He's fine now. The situation with Ethan just all became a bit too much."

Connie nodded slowly.

"I've left him in the staffroom with some sweet tea. So if he can take his break now then he wants to return to work?"

"Yes that's fine. I'll keep an eye out."

Rita nodded, satisfied. She went to open the door again but paused on her way out.

"Oh and Connie?"

"Hmm?"

"10/10 for empathy back there." Rita winked.

Connie's cheeks went pink. Rita chuckled as she left.

Silence fell in the office again. After a few moments Connie huffed loudly. She hated how Rita could get the better of her. She knew exactly which buttons to press. Connie got up and watched Rita from the window. Rita's face lit up as she smiled at whatever Jacob had said. The two giggled together before moving off in separate directions. Jacob winked in Rita's direction, he tapped her on the bottom as she walked past. Rita's cheek went pink, her mouth open in mock shock. She slapped him on the arm laughing and continued walking away. Connie felt a familiar jealousy rising in her chest, her throat felt constricted.

She shook her head vigorously, not entirely sure who she was trying to convince. Sitting back down, she picked up her pen and resumed her task thoughts of a certain blonde nurse floating through her consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

Ethan's eyelids fluttered. The monitor by his bed registered an increase in his heart rate, the thin line tracing sharp angles on to the screen. Rousing from his unconscious state, Ethan cracked open one eye slowly. He took stock of his surroundings: the wires on his chest, the cannula prickling in his arm, the beep of the monitors by his bed and the four grey walls of his room on ITU. And there, right in the corner of his field of vision, was Cal slumped over in his arm chair by Ethan's bed fast asleep.

A smile spread across Ethan's face. Shifting to try and get a better view of the delightful scene before him, Ethan grunted as pain lanced through his side and up his body. He glanced down at the neat dressing on his bare chest.

The noise roused Cal from his sleep, his arm slipping out from under his head suddenly, his eyes wide.

"Ethan! Ethan mate can you hear me?"

Cal was on his feet and instantly in doctor-mode. He shone a torch in Ethan's eye to check for equal pupil reaction. Satisfied, he pressed the buzzer to alert the staff on ITU.

"You had me scared for a minute there Nibbles." Cal face was etched with concern.

"What happened? The crash?" Ethan managed to croak, his throat like sandpaper. The sound of his own voice appeared distorted and unused.

Cal placed a hand on his shoulder gently.

"All in good time. Just try and relax." You're safe, I've got you."

Ethan concentrated with and, with considerable effort, managed to raise his left arm across his body and shakily place his hand over Cal's. Cal grinned.

"Glasses" Ethan croaked. Cal picked up Ethan's glasses from where he had carefully placed them on the bedside table, just how Ethan would have done, and helped him put them on.

Struggling to sit up, Ethan looked exactly the same to Cal as he had done before the crash. The same messy brown hair and curious brown eyes. However he noticed little things were different like the scratch on the frame of Ethan's glasses, the fragments of broken glass still in his hair. Cal took a deep, shaky breath. The torrent of emotions he had felt over the past few days hit him with wave-like force. He squeezed his eyes tight shut.

"I'm...I'm just so glad you're safe."

He uttered the words as if simply forming the sentence caused him pain.

Ethan frowned. Cal was still in scrubs, unshaven, he'd obviously been there all night just waiting for him to wake. His skin looked pale, his frown lines more pronounced. That's what worry does to people, what fear does to them.

"Caleb. It's okay." Ethan squeezed Cal's hand.

Cal smiled weakly. The ITU staff bustled in. Nurses took over checking Ethan's vital signs and doing tests. Cal took a step back, his phone alarm sounded.

Double-shift. The realisation hit him like a ton if bricks. Brilliant, just brilliant

"I have to go Ethan. My shift started half an hour ago. Connie will be on the rampage. I'll be back soon."

Ethan nodded gently. "Go Cal. I'll be fine. It's not like I'm going anywhere."

Cal smiled and spun around leaving ITU and making his way to the ED.

Checking the coast was clear, Cal darted around the corner and into the staffroom. Rita looked up from her position on the sofa, magazine in hand.

"There you are! Connie's on the war path." Rita grinned.

Cal sighed heavily. "I've been with Ethan all night. He's woken up."

"That's great news mate." Rita was on her feet and pulled Cal into a tight hug.

"Yeah but now I'm on a double shift and I haven't been home all night. I haven't even changed out of yeaterday's scrubs!" He motioned to the crinkled clothes he had slept in.

The echo of expensive heels shattered the calm, Cal wheeled around wide-eyed. A Connie-shaped shadow appeared through the blinds.

"Shit!"

Cal dropped to the floor and crawled towards Rita and the sofa.

"Rita you've got to hide me!"

Rita broke down into fits of laughter.

"Ritaaaa" he whined.

She scanned the room hurriedly, panic rising in her chest. She pointed at a cupboard.

"There."

"You could fit in there. I don't think I would have so much luck" came the sarcastic reply.

Rita tutted between giggles.

"Fine down by the side of the sofa quickly!"

Cal crawled at brake-neck speed and shoved himself into the corner. Rita threw herself onto the sofa and chucked a cushion over Cal's head just as Connie opened the door.

Immediately Connie raised an eyebrow.

"Have you seen Dr Knight Rita?"

"No I haven't this morning actually. He may still be with Ethan, you know how worried he is."

Connie pursed her lips as Rita reached forward and took up her magazine again, flicking nonchalantly through the pages. She tried to keep a straight face, her expression as innocent as she could muster, but she could feel Cal wriggling under the cushion. She rested her elbow firmly down onto it and the wriggling ceased.

Connie eyed Rita suspiciously, her eyes narrowing.

"Well he's due to have started a double-shift over 45 minutes ago. If you see him be sure to let him know I'm looking for him. And I'm not happy."

Rita smirked back at Connie.

"Oh I will Mrs Beauchamp." She plastered on a fake smile.

Connie left the room, closing the door sharply.

Cal knocked the pillow off his head and collapsed forward out from behind the sofa.

"Jesus christ that was close."

Rita chuckled. "If she finds you she'll have your head."

Cal made a face. "Big bad Beauchamp doesn't scare me."

Rita smirked. "Go and get a shower and get changed. I'll cover for you with Connie till then."

Cal nodded and went back to his open locker. Rita went back towards the door and, checking the coast was clear, made her way out.

"Oh and Cal?" She called back.

"Do try and keep your head down today." she winked back at him.

"Don't worry Reets. I'll be a good boy." Cal grinned as he slid past her out of the door checking both ways for Connie and straining to hear the sound of Laboutins coming down the corridor.


	4. Chapter 4

Showered and changed, Cal started to feel human again.

Leaning against the reception desk, he ran and hand across his face. The notes in front of him were written in Ethan's neat, flowing hand. He had treated Mrs Jones the week before for alcohol-related injuries and she was back yet again - a frequent flyer as Charlie affectionately referred to them. That had been the day before the crash.

Cal shuddered, an uncomfortable tingling feeling darting down his spine. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing Ethan's broken body on that trolley, his face cut, losing blood, the monitors beeping wildly.

Cal's eyes snapped open as Lofty appeared at his side.

"You okay mate?" Lofty smiled warmly.

"Yeah never better." Cal lied. "Ethan's conscious."

Lofty's face broke into a wide grin. "Ah that's amazing news. We always knew he'd come through."

Lofty skipped off towards Robyn to spread the word.

Cal started at the feeling of a hand on the small of his back. Rita popped her head around his side and grinned.

"Feeling better?"

Cal stretched his arms above his head and yawned. Rolling his aching muscles, he put on his best innocent face.

"Yeah. Could do with this shift being over though. I'm knackered. Unfortunately I'm venturing home to be greeted with an cold, empty bed tonight."

Rita smirked at him. "You're not the only one.

Cal eyes glinted, he bit his lip.

"Well we could always right that wrong," he murmured wrapping an arm around Rita's waist.

"How about it Sister Freeman?"

Rita pursed her lips, a glint of amusement in her brown eyes.

"Nice try Caleb."

Connie swept around the corner. Her eyebrows raised as she saw Rita and Cal at the desk. He had his arm draped around her waist. Connie saw the way his gaze flicked between her eyes and her lips, they were too close and Rita wasn't pulling away. Jealousy bubbled up from the pit of her stomach.

"Dr Knight. So you've finally seen fit to grace us with your presence."

Connie's tone pierced through the moment they were enjoying.

Cal dropped his head at the sight of his boss tapping her foot expectantly waiting for his excuses. He let his arm fall from around Rita's waist.

Rita wandered off trying to suppress the smile on her face. Walking past Connie, she looked back sticking her tongue out at Cal who grinned. Connie shifted her stance expectantly, her hands on her hips.

"Well?"

"I was with Ethan. He's conscious and he's going to be okay. I haven't been home all night so I've just been to for a shower and a change of clothes."

Connie looked somewhat deflated, as if the long lecture she had ready about his flakiness as a doctor and his poor time management seemed somewhat irrelevant now.

"Oh I see...well that is good news."

Connie murmured, the irritation plain in her voice, before stalking off back to resus.

Rita grinned down at the patient notes in her hand until Connie had marched past her. She shot Cal a wide-eyed look. He chuckled in response.

By lunchtime, Cal was dead on his feet. He was in line for his fourth coffee from Honey's shop.

"Are you alright Cal? You look awful." Honey inquired as she passed over his coffee.

"Thanks...I was up with Ethan all night. Haven't had a chance to get some sleep yet."

"Yeah I heard he's woken up, it's great news," Honey beamed.

Cal smiled and retraced his steps back to cubicles.

Rita trotted past the Nurse's station catching sight of Cal dragging his feet towards the staffroom.

"Cal you look ready to drop." She placed a hand on his forearm and made eye contact with him.

"You need to get some sleep."

"Need to work," Cal mumbled as Connie glided past eyeing them both. "Queen Connie wont allow for that."

Rita huffed. She pointed a finger at him.

"Bed now!" She ordered.

Cal winked at her. "Now I really never thought I'd hear that from you." He held up his hands. "But if you insist darling."

"Oi watch it Caleb! I'm the one doing you a favour remember." Rita beamed.

Cal nodded in Connie's direction, a questioning look on his face.

"Oh you leave Connie to me."

Cal smiled gratefully and traipsed off to the On Call room for some much needed rest.

Connie appeared at Rita's side.

"I had no idea you could be so 'forceful' when you want something...or someone."

Rita jumped. Frowning, she thought she saw a flicker of something different in Connie's face. Something like hunger.

"Jesus christ how do you walk so quietly in those things?" Rita nodded down at her precious Laboutins.

"Years of practice." Connie smirked.

Connie raised her eyebrows waiting for an answer.

"What Cal?" Rita snorted. "God no. I've sent him to the On Call room for some sleep...alone," she clarified.

Connie pursed her lips, trying to suppress a smirk.

"He's tired out Connie, he's been up with Ethan all night and is on a double shift. The poor guys been through way too much in the past week, he's crumbling."

Connie put her hand up to stop her.

"That's okay. Good call. I'm not going to argue with you Rita, you're right."

Rita's mouth dropped open. She paused, stunned.

"Really?"

Connie nodded.

"I didn't think I'd ever hear you say that."


End file.
